You are the weakest link. Good-Bye!

A few months ago, I was hanging out at my sister's house with her and her 7 yr old daughter and we were talking about Christmas shopping and the subject of shopping for her husband Toby came up.  Whilst my sister and I were conferring in hushed tones and code language, Isabella, the 7 year old niece/daughter, was harassing us and asking "Mom, Mom, why don't you tell me what you are getting Dad. I wouldn't tell him. I swear!" At which point, my sister and I looked over at each other and then I looked at her and said "I'm sorry, Bella, but we can't tell you." which of course prompted the "Why not?" and I had to look at her and tell her "Because you are the weak link."

The concept of a weak link was obviously completely foreign to her and she asked me what I meant and it dawned on me, that as an only child, she had never experienced a weak link rat-out.  Obviously, any misbehavior that resulted in obvious evidence had always been, and rightfully so, blamed and assigned to her.  My sister and I I, having grown up in a family with 4 children, 3 of who were only separated by 3 years, were very well-versed in the cagey wiles of parents.  If you wanted to keep a secret, you needed a completely united front, and if you wanted to find out this secret, you really needed to discover the weak link and isolate them. Once you did so, the weak link would crack, and spill the beans. And Isabella, my darling nice, in the triangle of your father, your mother, and you...you are the weakest link. Good-bye.

She fought against this designation but then realized it and understood this and she looked and me and my sister, and said "Mommy, Uncle Bernie, who was the weakest link in YOUR family?"  Without hesitation, without blinking, both of answered, "Uncle Bobby."  There wasn't a moment of hesitation. Later on, my brother Michael got home and completely unprompted, she asked him "Uncle Mikey, Mommy and Uncle Bernie say that in every family, there is a weak link. Who was the weak link in yours?" Once more, Uncle Bobby ended up being thrown under the bus so fast, it really was surprising that he doesn't sport a  Centro tattoo.

Now, anyone that grew up knowing my family, this really isn't a shock. Everyone knows that Bobby is the weak link, and this isn't a knock on Bobby, it just really shows a  lack of learning on his part and well-applied pressure on my parents' part.  When questioning a group of children, a united front being presented by them isn't that surprising when you question them as a whole. Solidarity! It's an us-against-them mentality. The smart move is taking them one on one. Once broken down and taken one on one, now it's a matter of a committing to the story and sticking with it. No matter what. Because it was one on one, there's no way of knowing what is being asked or how it is being asked, but I always knew that they were going to ask my sister first, then ask me, and then ask Bobby.  I have always been on the ilk, where once I have committed to something, I am all-in. I will stick to my story up and down, and it doesn't matter what you are telling me you have already heard.  I am sticking to my story.  Unfortunately, my brother's weakness, is he would fall for the promises of leniency. The being told, "You know, your brother and sister have already come clean, they have already confessed. By you not confessing, you are only making it harder on yourself and you will be be punished more severely."  Like the eggs shown in the mattress commercial about to have a weight dropped on it with only a thin feather layer above it, he was destined to crack.

That door would open, and the tear stained face of Bobby would come out, looking to us for some sense that he had done the right thing.  Kristen and I would see the triumphant face of the interrogating parent, and we knew that we were sunk, and that hope for camaraderie that my brother was seeking would be dashed. Harshly.  Michael, the youngest of the brood, only needed to learn this lesson once.  Only once did he rat us out.  He had the game explained to him, and never again was he the weak link.  Some people have it. It's a matter of having the faith that you were not going to be let down by anyone else on the team, and the strength to be willing to deal with the punishment that would undoubtedly be made tougher in the event the truth eventually found the light of day.

There is one in every group. Family, friends, co-workers. A chain is only as strong as the weakest link.  The question I have for you, dear reader, Is it you?

Ignorance is bliss. Or at least the default settings of most sports fans.

Those of you that know me probably know that I am a sports fan. Those of you that know me better would say that I would consider "sports fan" an insult. Not because I am one of those crazy, obsessive fans that paints his face and chest, or that will argue how my favorite team is "awesome" or how whoever their rival is "sucks". No, I would consider it an insult because I have been around sports fans as long as I could walk and have seen and heard firsthand the ridiculous things that are said.  It isn't the fact that these "fans" are making the arguments that bothers me, but it is the fact that they clearly have no understanding about what they are professing their undying love for.  By nature, I am a problem solver.  In order to be a problem solver, I have to establish an understanding of how things work.  Once I have that knowledge, I can then form an opinion as to what the next step is.   After all, knowledge is power.

However, this does not always make you popular.  How many of YOU were told by their mother that they were no longer allowed to sit near her when watching their younger brother's basketball games, because the comments made about the other players on the floor, no matter how accurate, weren't the most popular with the other parents.  On more than one occasion, an upset parent would ask me what I was saying and why I was insulting their poor kid and what qualified me to do so. At that point, I would have to explain what the coach was doing, why they were attempting to do what they were doing, and why it wasn't working. Explaining that not everybody is equal in their physical gifts or their understanding of the game.  Most parents came away understanding that I wasn't putting their son down, just that his skill set was the one that is most appropriate for that situation.  I would explain that I had coached one year of JV CYO basketball and in that one year, I had a 24-5 record and won the league regular season and playoff championships.  Sometimes the guy telling you he knows more than you, is only doing so because it is true.

But back to my original point, most sports fans are reactionary and ,unfortunately, stupid.  They know as much as they want to know and that's it.  In Syracuse, a few years back, the local university football team had been stumbling according to the standards that had been set for the program.  Everyone was blaming the head coach. "Coach P must go!" they said...and then they got what they wanted.  Well, Coach P did just fine, he's been consistently employed, usually in the NFL, and just this season took a job as the head coach of the UCONN Huskies, a Syracuse rival.  SU? Went into a free fall that they are just coming out of.  A deeper look at this situation would have seen that the problems that Syracuse were going through were initially caused by their own success. Donovan McNabb's senior season prevented a would be freshman Mike Vick from signing there because he wanted to start for 4 years.  Traditional recruiting hotbeds of New Jersey and Florida were drying up due to the emergence of local schools like Rutgers and South Florida upping the ante on recruiting their own local kids.  Star players attract other star players. No McNabb, no Vick, less talent coming in, other teams getting stronger all combined to weaken the Syracuse team.  But what was the FAN calling for? Fire the coach.  I remember driving home from work after P was fired thinking this was a bad day for SU and once more I turned out to be right.

OK, so I DON'T know for certain that Syracuse wouldn't have continued sliding down the rabbit hole towards what at the time was mediocrity before almost hitting rock bottom with the same coach, but I do know 4 years later that people were looking back and talking about the good old days with Coach P at the helm.  All I could think of was the lyrics to "Big Yellow Taxi"

The problem with being a wiseass know-it-all, ends up being that you have to admit that other people are right.  And you have to do it a lot. It doesn't mean necessarily that you are wrong, but you can agree with them, and then actually give depth to their argument besides  "They suck."  And it's OK, because sports are cyclical. What goes around, for the most part, will eventually come back around.  And when it does, you can just sit there next to your once proud fan and put your arm around him and hum a little tune or sing a little lyric.

"Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you got til it's gone."

Quick update

I was wondering if I would receive any comments and I jus realized I had to enable that. So, the floor is yours. Now open for comments and ridicule and questions.

Analysis by Dr. Nielsen

So, after getting off the phones and some light commiserating with colleagues, I left work and ran a few quick errands. Some much needed supplies an a shamrock shake later (call them a weakness), I find myself more than ready for my normal Monday night ritual of settling down with my DVR for what I consider quality programming. The Syracuse game is available on the radio and my phone keeps my updates with stats, so I had complete faith in being able to watch what I wanted.

On Monday nights, I DVR Chuck, House, and Castle, and in all actuality probably my top 3 favorite shows. More than likely because I can see myself as a combination of all 3 title characters, minus the cool job and smoking hot girlfriend of Chuck, the respected position and paycheck of House, and the money and smoking hot partner of Castle. 2 parts egocentric, 1 part self-doubting. It makes me wonder if everyone picks their television by looking for mirrors to their own nature and soul. And if so, WTF is your life like if GTL is an intrinsic part of it. Now, I don't like to think of myself as judgmental...HEY! I said I don't like to THINK of myself as judgmental, not that I am not, but very seldom do I form an opinion without watching anything or doing any research, but I am damn proud to say that I have never seen a single episode of Jersey Shore, nor any episodes of any of the season's of American Idol. Reality TV has always been kind of a mystery to me. I never understood watching people who are NOT actors ACTING to different contrived situations (not The Situation)

But if I really am nothing more than a combination of the characters on my DVR, when can I act more like Sterling Archer?

A lost art.

As I was laying awake last night, praying for sleep, a strange thought popped into my head. I believe that it is harder than ever to make friends. And then I started thinking about how most friendships are formed. When most of us first made friends, it was through some form of forced interaction. Think about it. When you first went to school, you weren't there by choice, you were forced to go. Those that made friends through sports, another activity where you didn't get to PICK who you were with, the people you made friends with, the people you went to battle with, you were forced to be with those people.  As you got older, once more, forced interaction, but a little more freedom.  The vast majority that went off to some sort of secondary education made friends at school, but once more, those friendships were formed through some sort of bonding experience through forced interaction of sorts. I mean, you didn't HAVE to walk through the halls and introduce yourself to people, but once more you didn't pick who you were surrounded by.  The people you met in class, you made friends through shared experiences because you were all forced to be in that one room together.  It is a bond-creating environment, these are the most conducive environments for friendships to be formed, going through similar experiences and trials and tribulations gives everyone an opportunity to create a lasting friendship.

Unfortunately, you have to grow up.

When you grow up, your forced interactions become extremely limited.  Pretty much, there is your work environment and that's it. You are no longer forced to interact with a large number of people. That's part of being an adult. You get to make your own choices.  However, this can be limiting. In this day and age, by the time you are an adult, you have been inundated with all the negative stories about people to the point where every stranger could possibly be a nice guy that you may get along well with, but he could also be the one who wants to invite you over, roofie you and wear your skin as pajamas.  It's a fine line. How do you go about making new friends in this environment?  First off, it's intimidating making that first move. How do you approach people? One on one? Or would you feel comfortable approaching a group of people? Where would you look to find new friends or expand your social circle?  I mean, you can always kind of "glom" on to friends of friends and try to expand your social circle that way, but that has it's own set of problems. For one, you don't want to be seen as that quasi-creepy loser that just attaches themselves to people in a group before really getting to know someone.  I mean, you can also just randomly friend request other people's friends on facebook, but once more, that kid of throws you in the socially awkward quasi-stalker status. Now, they say you can make friends with people with common interests, but how? How do you strike up that conversation without them thinking you are strange?

Sometimes forced interaction does have it's bonuses.  Maybe you should  just ask if someone already has their own pajamas?

The things I think about...

You ever just stop and think?  When you were a child growing up, you would have fantastic adventures and never leave the room.  Amazing adventures happening in your head with your imagination, and just looking at something and wondering how it works and then finding a way to improve it. Remember that?

Unfortunately, the vast majority of the population doesn't "think" anymore.  Wait, don't walk away, this isn't a rant about the stupidity of the general population. No, what I mean is that as we grow older, we acquire responsibilities and obligations.  Things that require our attention devoted to them and focus.  So we rarely get a chance to just "stop and think."  It's sad, some of the most amazing ideas came from someone just stopping and thinking about things for a while.  But then again...sometimes they are just odd little thoughts.

...I like the word "blateration."

...Never take your pancreas for granted.

...Am I the only one that when someone says "You're right", my first thought is "I know"

...Is it bad that I actually voice that thought?

...Out of town friends that passive-aggressively post of facebook about how gorgeous the weather is where they live, look, the weather you are having is nothing to brag about. You moved to a more temperate climate. In fact, it isn't even news, it's SUPPOSED to be that weather.  You post these messages strictly to elicit a response and then claim that you were rubbing it in. I call shenanigans.

...People that comment jealously regarding the weather in places other than where you live. Shut up. You don't like it? Move.

...I like to say the word "dickthistle"

...Can we all just agree that the flat brim of the hat look was a mistake, and should just go away now?

...I really think this idea has merit. Everyone knows what a RedBox video rental machine is.  What about one  that sells porn called "PinkBox"? Get it? hehe. Think about it, credit card rental verifies the over 18 requirement for porn, and put them in bars and strip clubs. If they don't return the dvd, you already have their credit card info.  I'm telling you...gold mine.


These are some of  the thoughts that I have. You are now stuck with them.

The NFL Labor agreement and other thoughts.

For those that aren't particularly sports fans, you may not be aware of the fact that there may not BE an NFL season this year. Basically, this is boiling down to an argument between Billionaires (owners) and millionaires (players). Average Joe hates it when his everyday life is interrupted by the arguments of the ultra-rich.  The big news today is that 3 weeks before the deadline is that the 2 groups, the NFL owners and the NFLPA (players union) have agreed to non-binding mediation. This really means ultimately, nothing.  Because they are so far apart on the issues, they can't even be in the same room. In 2006, the owners signed a deal that they felt was unfair, ceding too much money to the players and they feel that they want more.  The player's union, much like anyone else, feel that once you give someone something, it is VERY difficult to take that away from them.  As a whole, in most disputes of this nature, I find myself siding with the players. Now, I have little in common with the average NFL player, I am not a genetic freak, I do not have the natural born skill that these players possess, and therefore, I do not sign multi-million dollar contracts for my services. However, I find I have more in common with the players, than I do with the billionaires that sign their checks.  There are lots of complex issues that the two parties do need to work out, but the NFL is held up as the Gold standard by other professional sports leagues and believe that they can weather any fallout from a delay to the start of the season. But when the Average Joes want to turn on their TV's and watch their games, or make their family trips to the games, or even plunk down a sizable chunk of cash for their season tickets, is it unreasonable to expect a full slate of games? As a whole...get your $#!* together. I have a fantasy football draft to study for. Hey, NFL, NFLPA, what about me???

Once more into the breach...

I really do think that the blog is aptly named.  Anyone that knows me will completely agree with the assessment that I give myself. Now, addressing the title of the post, I used to have a webpage way way back in the late 90's where I used to make snarky comments, talk about things that interested me, give movie, book, and music reviews, and blather on about my daily life.  As I have been almost my whole life, I was ahead of my time. At the time, it was just a way for me to express the strange thoughts that popped into my head and pretty much vent about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  But if you asked me if I ever thought that anyone could make a living doing such things, I would have laughed and said "why would anyone read what I have to say?" It was just a personal webpage, a log of my thoughts, a LOG kept on the WEB, hrmmm...a weblog? Yes. A blog.  And the lesson as always is, I'm an idiot.  Bloggers have become some of the most trusted experts on almost any topic out there by a popular culture that craves instant analysis and feedback.  Anyone that knows me would be happy to tell you that I would be more than happy to give you my opinions on things and expound at length about them.  I missed my calling. I should have stuck with my blog and I would be typing this to you now on the fanciest toys and sitting in my posh house, paid for by the blog.  But instead, you get to read this not-completely cynical compilation of the random and at least interesting to me thoughts that pop in my head whenever I feel the need to share them with the world.
 posts,
Basically, I have found myself needing an outlet. A place to voice what I feel and think and sometimes, even put forth a creative effort.  I can't guarantee what you will find in my posts. You may laugh, you may cry, you might just think I am an arrogant ass. But please, give it a shot.  Just because I created this for me doesn't mean that I don't care about you, the Reader. But unfortunately, this will be a lot like television. Interesting, occasionally informative, sometimes boring, but a an easy waste of time.

I have to get up and go to work tomorrow, I really do have a lot to say, but I am going to cut my rambling short for now.

Koglan's Law: Everything ends badly.  Otherwise, it wouldn't end.