Has anyone else been watching a movie and have it all figured out in the first 20 minutes? It's annoying, isn't it? You sit there and watch the rest of the movie, hoping that maybe the actors will pull off some sort of transcendent performance to make you forget how uninspired the plot is, or maybe the writeers are able to at least punch it up with some witty dialogue. You just end up thinking, "Man, I could do better than this."
No. You can't.
It turns out that writing fiction can be incredibly difficult. I firmly believe that inside me, I have the next great movie franchise. but writing is hard. Dialogue is difficult to make it sound real and not forced, plot is difficult. Before you start, you need to have an idea as to what your story is about before you just sit down and start writing. But I'll tell ya, the part that I struggle with is coming up with names. Just simple names. First name, last name. How do you come up with something? Do you choose something ridiculous? Or something that sticks out? Or something plain?
Apparently, one of the hardest things to do is to simulate reality.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
More psychobabble from the DVR
Last time I addressed the topic of my DVR, it was because I see parts of myself in the lead characters of House, Castle, and Chuck. A bunch of my DVR'ed shows are now on hiatus, but I think I can address them as well.
Last season, I got into Burn Notice, so lately, I have been going through the old seasons online so I can catch up. Michael Westen is a spy. Rather, he WAS a spy, when a spy gets fired, he receives a "Burn Notice" hence the title. Now, Michael Westen lives in Miami and he takes odd jobs helping people out of troubled situations while he hunts down and finds out who got him burned and why. Now, it does demonstrate that a majority of those in the espionage/intelligence trade possess what I would refer to as "situational ethics", but overall, the successful ones have a cause that they genuinely believe in and while the methods may include violence, overall, Michael Westen is a genuinely good person. My friends would say that they could see how this appeals to me in the fact that I am viewed to also have "situational ethics" but for the most part, am a good person.
White Collar is another show, also on the USA Network, that I got into and throoughly enjoy. It shows how two opposites can work very well together. Neal Caffrey is the smoothest of the smoothest, a forger, a con man, once more "situational ethics" and he raised his skills to a scary efficient levels and was living the good life until he was tracked down not once, but twice by hard-working, honest to a fault, Peter Burke. I'm not sure which one I feel I am more like, perhaps a combiination of the two leads.
Archer - Ohhhh myyy Archer. I love this show. Just completely wrong, inappropriate, uncontrollable humor from wannabe James Bonds. I am sooo proud to love this show, I think it says that I don't care sometimes about offending others, sometimes funny is just funny.
Yeah, so as we delve further into the mind of Bernie's DVR, I don't quite know what to think so far. But I like it.
Last season, I got into Burn Notice, so lately, I have been going through the old seasons online so I can catch up. Michael Westen is a spy. Rather, he WAS a spy, when a spy gets fired, he receives a "Burn Notice" hence the title. Now, Michael Westen lives in Miami and he takes odd jobs helping people out of troubled situations while he hunts down and finds out who got him burned and why. Now, it does demonstrate that a majority of those in the espionage/intelligence trade possess what I would refer to as "situational ethics", but overall, the successful ones have a cause that they genuinely believe in and while the methods may include violence, overall, Michael Westen is a genuinely good person. My friends would say that they could see how this appeals to me in the fact that I am viewed to also have "situational ethics" but for the most part, am a good person.
White Collar is another show, also on the USA Network, that I got into and throoughly enjoy. It shows how two opposites can work very well together. Neal Caffrey is the smoothest of the smoothest, a forger, a con man, once more "situational ethics" and he raised his skills to a scary efficient levels and was living the good life until he was tracked down not once, but twice by hard-working, honest to a fault, Peter Burke. I'm not sure which one I feel I am more like, perhaps a combiination of the two leads.
Archer - Ohhhh myyy Archer. I love this show. Just completely wrong, inappropriate, uncontrollable humor from wannabe James Bonds. I am sooo proud to love this show, I think it says that I don't care sometimes about offending others, sometimes funny is just funny.
Yeah, so as we delve further into the mind of Bernie's DVR, I don't quite know what to think so far. But I like it.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
How do we fix the economy? Cagefighting and Hookers for Everyone, 24-7!
People come up to me all the time and say "Bernie, times are tough. Man, how would YOU fix the economy?"
Now, people that know me know that I am a capitalist. I believe firmly in the ability to make as much money as possible doing what you can for as long as someone is willing to pay. However, capitalism, which is one of the greatest "isms" for running an economy, has an ugly downside. Capitalism is really only good during a healthy economy, in a bad economy, that whole make as much money as possible in the short term, only serves to create more of a problem. Part of this problem is caused by the human animal. You see, I feel that everything in the world can be boiled down to one of two motivations. The first is fear, the seocnd is greed. Now, greed is NOT a bad thing. Greed is what causes things to be improved upon, in fact, greed is the basis of the capitalist system. However, it is another law of nature at play here. Too much of ANYTHING is a bad thing. Too much greed in a weakend economy fails to take the consumer into mind. As opposed to making 90 cents for the rest of the lifetime of a customer, businesses following a strict capitalism philosophy will maximize profit in the short term. Well, when the economy is bad, eventually, the people who have been spoiled by your product will eventually make the hard choices necessary and stop buying your product. However, in the meantime, you will continue to maximize profit by raising your prices and raising your prices. Of course, you will blame this publicly on rising operating costs, but the rising operating costs are also caused by the fact that everyone else is following the same maximize your profit capitalist playbook. Everyone needs to post record profits, because if you don't post record profits, you don't get investors. However, as costs go up, and the economy tanks, one of the first things that people stop doing is...investing! SO...it's chasing money in the short run that helps cause this problem. before we start nodding our heads and saying "yeah, Bernie, you're right! this is all big busines's fault", (well, actually, the nodding and the first 5 words are fine), let's remember the greed of investors, you see, remember back a few sentences ago when I said that businesses need to charge higher prices to post higher profits? Do you remember why I said they needed that? Investors, that's right. You see, investors want returns IMMEDIATELY. Now, if it weren't for the investors demand for amazing returns immediately, this wouldn't happen. SO in reality, this is all everyone's fault. We all have a little hand in this.
Ok, so basically one way to fix the economy is to tell businesses to stop looking for the short term dollar and work for the long term. That really isn't going to happen off the bat, so what else can we do? The first suggestion came to me as I was ddriving around after a late night movie and realizing that there were all sorts of errands that I would like to run but couldn't because places were closed. Then I started thinking about all the people that were out of work and collecting unemployment and public assistance in one way or another and it hit me! You hear all the time that it is a smaller world, that the internet has created a business world without borders, however, the internet hasn't caused the death or the brick and mortar location. Part of what I would like to see is all that money the government doled out to banks for that bailout because of their own corporate and individual greed be used to stay open longer. Longer hours and weekend hours for banks would make things more convenient for their customers. It would also lead to more jobs for people. But why stop at just banks? Right now, generally at 4 am, your retail locations are fairly limited, some Walmarts, grocery stores, diners and Denny's. What about Lowe's? Home Depot? What if I wanted to do some home improvement at 4 am? I understand, keeping those businesses open that late would reduce profit. In fact, you would probably lose money by staying open 24 hours, well, more than likely, you wouldn't lose money, you would lose PROFIT, but you see, the way to improve an economy is by getting people to spend money. The only way more money can be spent is if more money is being paid out. The creation of these jobs has a bonus effect of creating other jobs. It would lower the amount of people eligible and receiving the unemployment and public assistance rolls. The people that would be working nights would need people watching their children at night while they went to work, creating even more jobs. I understand a fully 24 hour economy would have an effect on the small business owner, which is why I would make legislation limited to businesses of a certain size. Obviously, this is an idea that came to me at 4:15 am and would need some more research and this wouldn't be a popular idea and would require legislators to not listen to the lobbyists.
My next two ideas are strictly on a state level. It is currently illegal in NYS to have professional AND amateur Mixed Martial Arts competitions. Now, it's odd. As long as you have the martial arts separately, say, straight judo, karate, muay thai, or boxing events, those are completely legal. They are subject to regulation, organizations have to register with the state, file and pay for licenses, and have governing bodies. Yet, if you combine the sports together, it is now illegal. I have listened to the state congressional arguments about this sport, and the speeches are completely set up to appeal to the older voters, with quotes calling it "barbaric" and likening it to the Roman gladiators fighting to the death. Now, I don't fault these people for that, their jobs are dependent upon their voters. Anyone that wants to look at the safety record of MMA fighters when compared to every other "major league" sport in the country would probably be shocked at the injury lists and find that MMA fighting is safer than any other sport and when compared to it's closest competitor,boxing, would find that boxing is one of the most dangerous professions a person could enter into. Last Tuesday, the UFC sold 55,000 tickets in 15 minutes, the ticket tax alone for Toronto was 1.5 million dollars. Imagine what that could do in MSG in NYC? The legalization of MMA would also lead to more jobs being created, more money for the state. Organizations would have to be created professionally, paperwork and business titles would be filed and paid for, organizations, licenses have to be issued and PAID for. If an single UFC event can put a minimum of 1.5 million into the state coffers, what happens when smaller organizations pop up in the state and allow for more locally produced television events, ticket sales, advertising revenue, all of which the state can get a it's little finger dipped in.
Now the last idea is mostly going to be argued against by two of the most diametrically opposed parties: the Roman Catholic Church and organized crime. Someone tell me who the victim is in prostitution? Prostitution has always been illegal based strictly on a morality level. However, making it illegal has NEVER made it go away. There is a reason it is referred to as the "world's oldest profession." However, whores don't pay taxes. Pimps don't pay taxes. It's argued that if prostitution is legalized, than you will see the marketplace flooded with new whores, however I don't see these that occurring. But right now, there is forced prostitution, drug addicts, pimps that force their charges to work long hours with no regulation. If it was legalized, prostitutes would be forced to have mandatory drug tests, work regular hours, and be subject to all the safety regulations that any other job would have. PLUS another layer of government to oversee it, more jobs, stop tying up our police in unnecessary and expensive prostitution stings and lessen the load on our courts.Establish minimum quality standards, all sorts of benefits with this.
So...to wrap up, the next time you get out of a now legal MMA fight at 2 am, stop and pick up some spackle or just stop and blow off some steam at your local corner brothel. Remember, you're doing this for your country. BJJ and BJ's for everyone!
Now, people that know me know that I am a capitalist. I believe firmly in the ability to make as much money as possible doing what you can for as long as someone is willing to pay. However, capitalism, which is one of the greatest "isms" for running an economy, has an ugly downside. Capitalism is really only good during a healthy economy, in a bad economy, that whole make as much money as possible in the short term, only serves to create more of a problem. Part of this problem is caused by the human animal. You see, I feel that everything in the world can be boiled down to one of two motivations. The first is fear, the seocnd is greed. Now, greed is NOT a bad thing. Greed is what causes things to be improved upon, in fact, greed is the basis of the capitalist system. However, it is another law of nature at play here. Too much of ANYTHING is a bad thing. Too much greed in a weakend economy fails to take the consumer into mind. As opposed to making 90 cents for the rest of the lifetime of a customer, businesses following a strict capitalism philosophy will maximize profit in the short term. Well, when the economy is bad, eventually, the people who have been spoiled by your product will eventually make the hard choices necessary and stop buying your product. However, in the meantime, you will continue to maximize profit by raising your prices and raising your prices. Of course, you will blame this publicly on rising operating costs, but the rising operating costs are also caused by the fact that everyone else is following the same maximize your profit capitalist playbook. Everyone needs to post record profits, because if you don't post record profits, you don't get investors. However, as costs go up, and the economy tanks, one of the first things that people stop doing is...investing! SO...it's chasing money in the short run that helps cause this problem. before we start nodding our heads and saying "yeah, Bernie, you're right! this is all big busines's fault", (well, actually, the nodding and the first 5 words are fine), let's remember the greed of investors, you see, remember back a few sentences ago when I said that businesses need to charge higher prices to post higher profits? Do you remember why I said they needed that? Investors, that's right. You see, investors want returns IMMEDIATELY. Now, if it weren't for the investors demand for amazing returns immediately, this wouldn't happen. SO in reality, this is all everyone's fault. We all have a little hand in this.
Ok, so basically one way to fix the economy is to tell businesses to stop looking for the short term dollar and work for the long term. That really isn't going to happen off the bat, so what else can we do? The first suggestion came to me as I was ddriving around after a late night movie and realizing that there were all sorts of errands that I would like to run but couldn't because places were closed. Then I started thinking about all the people that were out of work and collecting unemployment and public assistance in one way or another and it hit me! You hear all the time that it is a smaller world, that the internet has created a business world without borders, however, the internet hasn't caused the death or the brick and mortar location. Part of what I would like to see is all that money the government doled out to banks for that bailout because of their own corporate and individual greed be used to stay open longer. Longer hours and weekend hours for banks would make things more convenient for their customers. It would also lead to more jobs for people. But why stop at just banks? Right now, generally at 4 am, your retail locations are fairly limited, some Walmarts, grocery stores, diners and Denny's. What about Lowe's? Home Depot? What if I wanted to do some home improvement at 4 am? I understand, keeping those businesses open that late would reduce profit. In fact, you would probably lose money by staying open 24 hours, well, more than likely, you wouldn't lose money, you would lose PROFIT, but you see, the way to improve an economy is by getting people to spend money. The only way more money can be spent is if more money is being paid out. The creation of these jobs has a bonus effect of creating other jobs. It would lower the amount of people eligible and receiving the unemployment and public assistance rolls. The people that would be working nights would need people watching their children at night while they went to work, creating even more jobs. I understand a fully 24 hour economy would have an effect on the small business owner, which is why I would make legislation limited to businesses of a certain size. Obviously, this is an idea that came to me at 4:15 am and would need some more research and this wouldn't be a popular idea and would require legislators to not listen to the lobbyists.
My next two ideas are strictly on a state level. It is currently illegal in NYS to have professional AND amateur Mixed Martial Arts competitions. Now, it's odd. As long as you have the martial arts separately, say, straight judo, karate, muay thai, or boxing events, those are completely legal. They are subject to regulation, organizations have to register with the state, file and pay for licenses, and have governing bodies. Yet, if you combine the sports together, it is now illegal. I have listened to the state congressional arguments about this sport, and the speeches are completely set up to appeal to the older voters, with quotes calling it "barbaric" and likening it to the Roman gladiators fighting to the death. Now, I don't fault these people for that, their jobs are dependent upon their voters. Anyone that wants to look at the safety record of MMA fighters when compared to every other "major league" sport in the country would probably be shocked at the injury lists and find that MMA fighting is safer than any other sport and when compared to it's closest competitor,boxing, would find that boxing is one of the most dangerous professions a person could enter into. Last Tuesday, the UFC sold 55,000 tickets in 15 minutes, the ticket tax alone for Toronto was 1.5 million dollars. Imagine what that could do in MSG in NYC? The legalization of MMA would also lead to more jobs being created, more money for the state. Organizations would have to be created professionally, paperwork and business titles would be filed and paid for, organizations, licenses have to be issued and PAID for. If an single UFC event can put a minimum of 1.5 million into the state coffers, what happens when smaller organizations pop up in the state and allow for more locally produced television events, ticket sales, advertising revenue, all of which the state can get a it's little finger dipped in.
Now the last idea is mostly going to be argued against by two of the most diametrically opposed parties: the Roman Catholic Church and organized crime. Someone tell me who the victim is in prostitution? Prostitution has always been illegal based strictly on a morality level. However, making it illegal has NEVER made it go away. There is a reason it is referred to as the "world's oldest profession." However, whores don't pay taxes. Pimps don't pay taxes. It's argued that if prostitution is legalized, than you will see the marketplace flooded with new whores, however I don't see these that occurring. But right now, there is forced prostitution, drug addicts, pimps that force their charges to work long hours with no regulation. If it was legalized, prostitutes would be forced to have mandatory drug tests, work regular hours, and be subject to all the safety regulations that any other job would have. PLUS another layer of government to oversee it, more jobs, stop tying up our police in unnecessary and expensive prostitution stings and lessen the load on our courts.Establish minimum quality standards, all sorts of benefits with this.
So...to wrap up, the next time you get out of a now legal MMA fight at 2 am, stop and pick up some spackle or just stop and blow off some steam at your local corner brothel. Remember, you're doing this for your country. BJJ and BJ's for everyone!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Too much of a minty fresh thing...
I don't know how many of you have ever sat down and tried to be creative on demand, but it can be difficult. Often, I have to look for inspiration from friends and take an idea and flesh it out into a full blown post. This is one such post.
Let's start with a story. A friend of mine, let's give her a name, for the sake of anonymity we will call her Poison Hivey. So, Poison Hivey is out shopping, checking things off her list as she wanders through the wonderful land of Tar-zhay. Tar-hzay is a wondrous world, filled with everything anyone could possibly want, and the patrons and supporters of Tar-zhay would claim that it is of a higher quality than it's rival city-state WallyWorld. Our heroine, Poison Hivey, has come to the last item on her list. Mouthwash. She stands at the end of the aisle and she is in awe! What a wonderful place, this Tar-zhay. As far as the eye can see, an entire aisle of nothing but mouthwash. As she wanders through the seemingly interminable aisle, seeing variety after variety of mouthwash, our heroine starts thinking to herself, this is wonder ful, this is amazing, this...is...insane!! How can there be this much mouthwash and how much of this is truly necessary?? As she gets more and more worked up thinking about this it slowly dawns upon her that in this entire AISLE of mouthwash, the one thing that they don't have is...THE TYPE THAT SHE WANTS! Well, Poison Hivey has had just about enough of this nonsense. She unleashes her powers of biting sarcasm and muffled swearing under her breath and checks out, paying for her other items and returning home, breath not minty-fresh, refusing to purchase any of the false mouthwashes that ARE available to her.
Now, poor Poison Hivey is without the product that she prefers, but brings this to my attention. In this day and age, rather than settle for a product that she deems inferior to her preferred tastes, she would go without. There are starving children in Zambia with HORRIBLE breath that would gladly grab the lowest grade product off of that shelf and be completely ecstatic about it. It kind of sends a strange message about the type of consumer-driven world that we live in. When we shop, are we really buying a product for the purpose it serves or the message that the packaging sends? Is this all a matter of taste? Of preference? Are there too many options for us? Why is it acceptable to have lower quality products at all? I have had this same thought when walking in a drug store and noticing products for, well, let's just say primarily a female based product for subjects of a more "yeasty" nature. There is a Monistat-7, which clears up the infection in a week, there is also a Monistat-3, aptly named for it's ability to resolve the issue in 3 days. There is also a Monistat-1...I think you see where this is headed. Now tell me, why is it acceptable to continue to offer the 3 and the 7 when there IS a 1 available?? A matter of personal preference and profit margin I suppose, but really? Can't we get together for the greater good and and in such instances decide that the ideal solution is the 1 day option?
Well, that went somewhere dark (and warm) in a hurry, back to Poison Hivey and her mouthwash (or lack of it.) Not being able to find the product she prefers, she would rather go without. This shows an extreme example of brand awareness and brand identification. Coke and Pepsi have had this fight for YEARS. There are those that buy only Coke products and will forgo Pepsi products, despite the fact that there really is very little difference in the products. Yes, I know, it tastes different and you can definitely tell the difference, but still, it's a soft drink, people. If you were dying of thirst, would you pass up the bargain brand and go without? Somehow, I doubt it. But sometimes more isn't always better, sometimes more is just...more. And it can be overwhelming. I have fallen victim to this myself. Countless times I have found myself slack-jawed at an ice cream stand, overwhelmed by the flavors and options. Too many options has a paralyzing effect on me. Obviously, any option I choose I will enjoy, but I am terrified that I might be missing out on one that I will enjoy just a bit better.
Have we become a nation of sheep? Are we all too easily influenced by the slick marketing and the promises of a better customer experience that we just buy whatever our corporate overlords demand of us? Or are we simply able to reap the advantages of living in a time and place where an entire aisle of mouthwash is available to us and we don't have to compromise our desires for something that isn't quite up to snuff. Food for thought...or mouthwash. Discuss amongst yourself...except with Poison Hivey..she doesn't have minty fresh breath.
Let's start with a story. A friend of mine, let's give her a name, for the sake of anonymity we will call her Poison Hivey. So, Poison Hivey is out shopping, checking things off her list as she wanders through the wonderful land of Tar-zhay. Tar-hzay is a wondrous world, filled with everything anyone could possibly want, and the patrons and supporters of Tar-zhay would claim that it is of a higher quality than it's rival city-state WallyWorld. Our heroine, Poison Hivey, has come to the last item on her list. Mouthwash. She stands at the end of the aisle and she is in awe! What a wonderful place, this Tar-zhay. As far as the eye can see, an entire aisle of nothing but mouthwash. As she wanders through the seemingly interminable aisle, seeing variety after variety of mouthwash, our heroine starts thinking to herself, this is wonder ful, this is amazing, this...is...insane!! How can there be this much mouthwash and how much of this is truly necessary?? As she gets more and more worked up thinking about this it slowly dawns upon her that in this entire AISLE of mouthwash, the one thing that they don't have is...THE TYPE THAT SHE WANTS! Well, Poison Hivey has had just about enough of this nonsense. She unleashes her powers of biting sarcasm and muffled swearing under her breath and checks out, paying for her other items and returning home, breath not minty-fresh, refusing to purchase any of the false mouthwashes that ARE available to her.
Now, poor Poison Hivey is without the product that she prefers, but brings this to my attention. In this day and age, rather than settle for a product that she deems inferior to her preferred tastes, she would go without. There are starving children in Zambia with HORRIBLE breath that would gladly grab the lowest grade product off of that shelf and be completely ecstatic about it. It kind of sends a strange message about the type of consumer-driven world that we live in. When we shop, are we really buying a product for the purpose it serves or the message that the packaging sends? Is this all a matter of taste? Of preference? Are there too many options for us? Why is it acceptable to have lower quality products at all? I have had this same thought when walking in a drug store and noticing products for, well, let's just say primarily a female based product for subjects of a more "yeasty" nature. There is a Monistat-7, which clears up the infection in a week, there is also a Monistat-3, aptly named for it's ability to resolve the issue in 3 days. There is also a Monistat-1...I think you see where this is headed. Now tell me, why is it acceptable to continue to offer the 3 and the 7 when there IS a 1 available?? A matter of personal preference and profit margin I suppose, but really? Can't we get together for the greater good and and in such instances decide that the ideal solution is the 1 day option?
Well, that went somewhere dark (and warm) in a hurry, back to Poison Hivey and her mouthwash (or lack of it.) Not being able to find the product she prefers, she would rather go without. This shows an extreme example of brand awareness and brand identification. Coke and Pepsi have had this fight for YEARS. There are those that buy only Coke products and will forgo Pepsi products, despite the fact that there really is very little difference in the products. Yes, I know, it tastes different and you can definitely tell the difference, but still, it's a soft drink, people. If you were dying of thirst, would you pass up the bargain brand and go without? Somehow, I doubt it. But sometimes more isn't always better, sometimes more is just...more. And it can be overwhelming. I have fallen victim to this myself. Countless times I have found myself slack-jawed at an ice cream stand, overwhelmed by the flavors and options. Too many options has a paralyzing effect on me. Obviously, any option I choose I will enjoy, but I am terrified that I might be missing out on one that I will enjoy just a bit better.
Have we become a nation of sheep? Are we all too easily influenced by the slick marketing and the promises of a better customer experience that we just buy whatever our corporate overlords demand of us? Or are we simply able to reap the advantages of living in a time and place where an entire aisle of mouthwash is available to us and we don't have to compromise our desires for something that isn't quite up to snuff. Food for thought...or mouthwash. Discuss amongst yourself...except with Poison Hivey..she doesn't have minty fresh breath.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
A nice place to visit...but I wouldn't want to live there....Or would I?
I have a dirty secret. Lean in close and promise not to let it out and I will spill the beans and let you in on it.
I love Syracuse, NY.
I know. It's horrible...and for most people I know, it's unheard of and unthinkable. They would all rather be somewhere else. My friend's that grew up here and moved to warmer climates post passive-aggressive status messages on facebook, designed to elicit bitter responses about how much they are enjoying the weather where they live.
But I do love where I live. It isn't perfect, but nowhere is. Yes, we get a lot of snow. It's winter. It is supposed to snow. Last I checked, winter is also supposed to be cold. So we have no issue there. I love the beautiful fall foliage, the explosion of colors as you watch the leaves change. The perfect crispness of the air in the fall, that time of year when you go outside and you can SMELL someone starting a fire. Absolutely perfect.
But, as much as I love my home city, it only natural to think about how it would be to live somewhere else. I have been lucky enough to do some traveling, being in some places for only a few hours, some for days, and there are some places that I would like to visit and possibly live there.
1. San Francisco. Absolutely gorgeous city. Completely different type of city, beautiful architecture, beautiful, cool climate. Not a big fan of earthquakes, and I think I would miss the snow, but as a whole, truly my number one.
2. London, England. I know, crazy, right? But after spending almost a week in London, I totally would want to go back. I can't imagine that a lot of people would consider a trade of the weather in Syracuse for the weather in London to be anything but an even trade, but remember, I am one of the few that isn't bothered that much by the weather. I truly loved everything about London.
3. Pittsburgh, PA. I only spent a few hours in Pittsburgh, but the time that I spent there, I truly enjoyed. I really got that blue-collar feel and none of the pretension that many larger cities do carry with them. The sporting stadiums are some of the most beautiful in all of sports and do the city proud.
4. Chicago, IL. Another beautiful and distinctly unique city. Once more, some extremely harsh winters, but Grant Park and Soldier Field in the summer and fall, along with some incredible steakhouses and other food would make it completely worth it.
Now, there are many other places that I would love to visit and see for myself. And maybe one of them could take a spot on my list and maybe even persuade me to move there and live there. I've always wanted to go to the Pacific Northwest, maybe take 2 weeks and spend it driving from Portland to Seattle to Vancouver, where I've heard it rains quite a bit, but it is completely lush and beautiful and the food scene is to die for. There are a few notable places that didn't quite make my list of place I would want to live. Washington DC, a great vibrant city, but not a place I would ever want to live and the granddaddy of them all...the city so nice they named it twice, New York, NY. I have been to NYC numerous times and I have always felt the same way about it. I love going there. I love being a tourist there. I would never want to live there. In fact, I think the only place that ranks below NYC is Paris France, another beautiful city completely ruined by the French.
I love Syracuse, NY.
I know. It's horrible...and for most people I know, it's unheard of and unthinkable. They would all rather be somewhere else. My friend's that grew up here and moved to warmer climates post passive-aggressive status messages on facebook, designed to elicit bitter responses about how much they are enjoying the weather where they live.
But I do love where I live. It isn't perfect, but nowhere is. Yes, we get a lot of snow. It's winter. It is supposed to snow. Last I checked, winter is also supposed to be cold. So we have no issue there. I love the beautiful fall foliage, the explosion of colors as you watch the leaves change. The perfect crispness of the air in the fall, that time of year when you go outside and you can SMELL someone starting a fire. Absolutely perfect.
But, as much as I love my home city, it only natural to think about how it would be to live somewhere else. I have been lucky enough to do some traveling, being in some places for only a few hours, some for days, and there are some places that I would like to visit and possibly live there.
1. San Francisco. Absolutely gorgeous city. Completely different type of city, beautiful architecture, beautiful, cool climate. Not a big fan of earthquakes, and I think I would miss the snow, but as a whole, truly my number one.
2. London, England. I know, crazy, right? But after spending almost a week in London, I totally would want to go back. I can't imagine that a lot of people would consider a trade of the weather in Syracuse for the weather in London to be anything but an even trade, but remember, I am one of the few that isn't bothered that much by the weather. I truly loved everything about London.
3. Pittsburgh, PA. I only spent a few hours in Pittsburgh, but the time that I spent there, I truly enjoyed. I really got that blue-collar feel and none of the pretension that many larger cities do carry with them. The sporting stadiums are some of the most beautiful in all of sports and do the city proud.
4. Chicago, IL. Another beautiful and distinctly unique city. Once more, some extremely harsh winters, but Grant Park and Soldier Field in the summer and fall, along with some incredible steakhouses and other food would make it completely worth it.
Now, there are many other places that I would love to visit and see for myself. And maybe one of them could take a spot on my list and maybe even persuade me to move there and live there. I've always wanted to go to the Pacific Northwest, maybe take 2 weeks and spend it driving from Portland to Seattle to Vancouver, where I've heard it rains quite a bit, but it is completely lush and beautiful and the food scene is to die for. There are a few notable places that didn't quite make my list of place I would want to live. Washington DC, a great vibrant city, but not a place I would ever want to live and the granddaddy of them all...the city so nice they named it twice, New York, NY. I have been to NYC numerous times and I have always felt the same way about it. I love going there. I love being a tourist there. I would never want to live there. In fact, I think the only place that ranks below NYC is Paris France, another beautiful city completely ruined by the French.
Monday, March 7, 2011
More Things I Think About...
...the El Camino is the mullet of the car world. Business in the front, party in the back.
...Peter Pan Creamy Honey Roast Peanut Butter is the best peanut butter in the world.
...Almost all fights in bars can be solved with either more booze, more girls, or both.
...Nobody comes to the bar for the DJ.
...Trading Places could be one of the most underrated movies of all-time. I know The Hangover was incredibly popular, but it can't hold a candle to Trading Places.
...I have an irrational fear of midgets, yet, I really like how tiny baby fingernails are.
...Anyone who says that their favorite Muppet is anyone other than Waldorf & Statler is just wrong.
...Have you ever been walking in the mall and you see a small child come walking towards you and you totally see yourself sticking your foot up and just BLASTING the little pisher in the face? Umm....neither have I....that would would be so wrong....yeah.
For your viewing pleasure, I have linked to my sister's and her training partner's blog for anyone that wants to read about the trials and tribulations of training to run, bike, and swim really long distances for little personal gain while also trying to raise a family and deal with immature yet supportive husbands. I have also linked to my cousin Rachael's blog, which is about her making food and eating it. Support my fam, yo.
...Peter Pan Creamy Honey Roast Peanut Butter is the best peanut butter in the world.
...Almost all fights in bars can be solved with either more booze, more girls, or both.
...Nobody comes to the bar for the DJ.
...Trading Places could be one of the most underrated movies of all-time. I know The Hangover was incredibly popular, but it can't hold a candle to Trading Places.
...I have an irrational fear of midgets, yet, I really like how tiny baby fingernails are.
...Anyone who says that their favorite Muppet is anyone other than Waldorf & Statler is just wrong.
...Have you ever been walking in the mall and you see a small child come walking towards you and you totally see yourself sticking your foot up and just BLASTING the little pisher in the face? Umm....neither have I....that would would be so wrong....yeah.
For your viewing pleasure, I have linked to my sister's and her training partner's blog for anyone that wants to read about the trials and tribulations of training to run, bike, and swim really long distances for little personal gain while also trying to raise a family and deal with immature yet supportive husbands. I have also linked to my cousin Rachael's blog, which is about her making food and eating it. Support my fam, yo.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Pain...not always the greatest teacher.
Apparently, I am not the most graceful of beings. I know, I know, those of you that know me have got to be completely in shock at this statement. I have been described as a "bull in a china shop", likened to an ex-NFL great linebacker nicknamed "The Mad Stork", you get the general idea. When I used to work in retail, I was a whirling dervish of activity, hyperactive and bouncing from customer to stockroom to displays, often running into racks over clothing, usually with a great amount of force. Sometimes I would either cut myself or be covered with bruises and not notice these things until someone would point them out to me. This is something that I have dealt with my entire life. When I was very young, my parents were seriously worried about me and had my eyes checked because I would keep running into walls, or misjudge the distance and bump into things with my legs and my shoulders. I do this still to this day. It is not uncommon for me to be walking somewhere and clip[ a doorway or a corner quite hard with my shoulder or bounce off of things that might be in my way. The thing is, it isn't that I don't see these things, nor is it the commonly given excuse that I am not paying attention. I am fully aware that they are there. I also realize how much space my body takes up. It's that my brain sees these things and calculates the damage that they may inflict upon me and how much effort to would take to change my route and generally decides to just keep going. Basically, I am a victim of my brain's idea of efficiency. I'm going to let that sink in for a bit.
OK...and we're back. I know, I know, when most of you think of me, "efficient" is probably not the word that you first think of, but it really is. MY brain determines that the time and effort that it would take to re-route would waste more time than absorbing the contact would cause pain. Trust me, sometimes I definitely question my own brain. But this has me thinking, everyone has a different pain threshold and pain serves a very important purpose. Pain is SUPPOSED to be a deterrent. It is supposed to alert you that what you are doing is bad. Please stop, or I will debilitate you. Now, everybody's brain is different and the amount of pain that they determine is allowable. Apparently, mine is suicidal.
The problem with being willing to withstand great amounts of pain in order to get what you want is that you can sustain quasi-severe injuries. When I was in 3rd grade, I was living just outside of Rochester. I was at my sister's softball game with my family and my best friend Char also was there. and we were playing games like Star Wars, and running around and overall making nuisances of ourselves, you know, like little boys do. We found ourselves behind this school, away from the prying eyes of responsible people like parents. Psssh...who needs them? So, we find the swings and a play structure, but it being relatively early in the spring, the swings haven't been attached, however, I have the native climbing skills of a monkey and am now about 10 feet in the air and I think "Hey, I bet I can hang from this and climb my way across like monkey bars." The overestimation of my physical prowess started at a young age. I got my hands around the top and realized that this was way more slick than I originally thought. I removed one hand and swung to get a grip...and then I discover that gravity is a cruel mistress and we are all her subjects. Now, in the 80's they covered playground play areas with wood chip mulch. I never understood this concept. I would think it would do a lot more damage than good, but I get up, attempt to dust myself off, and OW! Hey! Why can't I straighten my elbow out all the way?? No matter. I am going to over to Char's to spend the night and we are going to McDonald's after the soccer game and I'm gonna get me some chicken mcnuggets!" Keep in mind this is the 80's. Chicken McNuggets JUST came on the scene. MY favorite sandwich was a McDLT...Shut up...I don't need you judging me. So I don't tell anyone what's happened, and we decide it would be a good time to head back over and check the status of the game. The game is now over and we go to McDonald's and then over to Char's. I continue to be be me, he had a zip line hooked up in his front yard and me, elbow now swollen and throbbing with pain, belly full of McNuggets, decide it would be a good time to zoom across the yard on the zipline. we play for a few more hours and settle down for an intellectual game of checkers. Well, this would be where the jig is up. I go to reach for something and my friend's mother, who if memory serves was a nurse, notices that 1. I can't extend my arm all the way and 2. my elbow is all swollen and bruised to bejeezus. Thus ends the sleepover. I get a double dose of "Why didn't you tell me? blah blah blah...one from my friend's mom and then from mine.
Long story short...basically, I dislocated my elbow. They popped it back into place, and put me in a sling. Now, it's vacation. I'm 8 or something. I'm a boy. They tell me keep my arm in a sling and I should be fine, IMPLYING that I should rest and take it easy and they will see me in a week. Apparently, I am not great at picking up on subtext. I report back to the doctor next week, the nurse is in shock. My sling is grass stained and dirty. My elbow has actually WORSENED. The solution...new sling...and then wrap a second sling around my body, immobilizing me. Think, half strait-jacket. 2 weeks of that, and I healed. But I was NOT a happy camper. Now, I would have thought that the pain that I inflicted upon myself would have been a warning to myself to say "Hey! Stop doing this!" Once more, apparently not.
2 things to take away from this story.
1. I'm not clumsy. I'm just being efficient.
2. I am completely willing to mutilate my body for chicken mcnuggets.
OK...and we're back. I know, I know, when most of you think of me, "efficient" is probably not the word that you first think of, but it really is. MY brain determines that the time and effort that it would take to re-route would waste more time than absorbing the contact would cause pain. Trust me, sometimes I definitely question my own brain. But this has me thinking, everyone has a different pain threshold and pain serves a very important purpose. Pain is SUPPOSED to be a deterrent. It is supposed to alert you that what you are doing is bad. Please stop, or I will debilitate you. Now, everybody's brain is different and the amount of pain that they determine is allowable. Apparently, mine is suicidal.
The problem with being willing to withstand great amounts of pain in order to get what you want is that you can sustain quasi-severe injuries. When I was in 3rd grade, I was living just outside of Rochester. I was at my sister's softball game with my family and my best friend Char also was there. and we were playing games like Star Wars, and running around and overall making nuisances of ourselves, you know, like little boys do. We found ourselves behind this school, away from the prying eyes of responsible people like parents. Psssh...who needs them? So, we find the swings and a play structure, but it being relatively early in the spring, the swings haven't been attached, however, I have the native climbing skills of a monkey and am now about 10 feet in the air and I think "Hey, I bet I can hang from this and climb my way across like monkey bars." The overestimation of my physical prowess started at a young age. I got my hands around the top and realized that this was way more slick than I originally thought. I removed one hand and swung to get a grip...and then I discover that gravity is a cruel mistress and we are all her subjects. Now, in the 80's they covered playground play areas with wood chip mulch. I never understood this concept. I would think it would do a lot more damage than good, but I get up, attempt to dust myself off, and OW! Hey! Why can't I straighten my elbow out all the way?? No matter. I am going to over to Char's to spend the night and we are going to McDonald's after the soccer game and I'm gonna get me some chicken mcnuggets!" Keep in mind this is the 80's. Chicken McNuggets JUST came on the scene. MY favorite sandwich was a McDLT...Shut up...I don't need you judging me. So I don't tell anyone what's happened, and we decide it would be a good time to head back over and check the status of the game. The game is now over and we go to McDonald's and then over to Char's. I continue to be be me, he had a zip line hooked up in his front yard and me, elbow now swollen and throbbing with pain, belly full of McNuggets, decide it would be a good time to zoom across the yard on the zipline. we play for a few more hours and settle down for an intellectual game of checkers. Well, this would be where the jig is up. I go to reach for something and my friend's mother, who if memory serves was a nurse, notices that 1. I can't extend my arm all the way and 2. my elbow is all swollen and bruised to bejeezus. Thus ends the sleepover. I get a double dose of "Why didn't you tell me? blah blah blah...one from my friend's mom and then from mine.
Long story short...basically, I dislocated my elbow. They popped it back into place, and put me in a sling. Now, it's vacation. I'm 8 or something. I'm a boy. They tell me keep my arm in a sling and I should be fine, IMPLYING that I should rest and take it easy and they will see me in a week. Apparently, I am not great at picking up on subtext. I report back to the doctor next week, the nurse is in shock. My sling is grass stained and dirty. My elbow has actually WORSENED. The solution...new sling...and then wrap a second sling around my body, immobilizing me. Think, half strait-jacket. 2 weeks of that, and I healed. But I was NOT a happy camper. Now, I would have thought that the pain that I inflicted upon myself would have been a warning to myself to say "Hey! Stop doing this!" Once more, apparently not.
2 things to take away from this story.
1. I'm not clumsy. I'm just being efficient.
2. I am completely willing to mutilate my body for chicken mcnuggets.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I do love my brother...no really.
OK, so there was a little bit of backlash from my last post about potentially portraying my brother in a less than favorable light....mainly from him, but still. So I feel like perhaps I should post something positive about him. maybe a humorous anecdote in which he doesn't appear like a ratfink weasel. OK, so hear it is:
I was in the fourth grade and we had just moved to the Syracuse area. It was our first winter here and Bobby and I were outside playing in the backyard. We had been at their in the snow for hours and it was now starting to get dark. I had remembered reading about a boy getting his tongue stuck to a metal pole and if you ever met me, you know that I do have a strong desire to know whether or not something is possible. It was cold, we had a laundry line in the yard, I think you see where this is headed. It's a simple equation, really. Bernie + Opportunity + Lack of supervision = Trouble + Hilarity. And before you all start, no, I had never seen A Christmas Story, and even if I had, I probably would have done it anyway. I just needed to see if it was possible. So I stuck out my tongue...touched it to the pole...aaaand ungh! I can't pull back. Yup. I was stuck. Now, I'm not talking about just touching the tip of my tongue, no, this was the flat of my tongue nice and stuck. I panic a little but try to figure a way out of this. Unable to come up with one, I am forced to call over to my brother for help. My brother, who is in 3rd grade at the time, has never been the cool headed one in the crisis. He kind of inherited that from my father. But in this instance, Bobby was all I had. And he was willing to help, He tried tugging me, pulling on my arms, nothing. Still stuck. Does he run inside and tell my mom? Seek assistance from the closest adult? No. Bobby's got this. He paces off about ten big steps, gets a running start and shoulder blocks me in the chest with enough force to tear me free from my icy prison...and I mean tear. I mean, I left the top layer of skin on my tongue stuck to that damn laundry pole. I watch as my brother's triumphant grin turns to terror as he realizes I am just GUSHING blood from my tongue. I'm not gonna lie and tell you it didn't hurt, but I have to say, I was much happier I wasn't stuck to the pole anymore. I go running inside, leaving a trail of blood, running into the kitchen, past my mom who was making a big turkey dinner with all the fixings, glasses all fogged up, tongue hanging out of my mouth like a panting puppy, dripping a trail of blood into the bathroom.
A few lessons to take away from this story.
1. You will get stuck to a metal pole if you stick your tongue to it. It isn't just stuff in movies or comics.
2. The human mouth is one of the fastest healing parts of the body. I could actually watch new taste buds pop up in the mirror.
3. Not everything I do is that well planned. I knew going in that there was a potential to get stuck, but I didn't really think it through enough to figure how to get un-stuck
4. Brothers are there for you. Yes, they may rat you out...constantly. They might kinda panic in a crisis. But they definitely love you enough to shoulder block you and leave half your tongue on a pole.
Thanks Bob.
I was in the fourth grade and we had just moved to the Syracuse area. It was our first winter here and Bobby and I were outside playing in the backyard. We had been at their in the snow for hours and it was now starting to get dark. I had remembered reading about a boy getting his tongue stuck to a metal pole and if you ever met me, you know that I do have a strong desire to know whether or not something is possible. It was cold, we had a laundry line in the yard, I think you see where this is headed. It's a simple equation, really. Bernie + Opportunity + Lack of supervision = Trouble + Hilarity. And before you all start, no, I had never seen A Christmas Story, and even if I had, I probably would have done it anyway. I just needed to see if it was possible. So I stuck out my tongue...touched it to the pole...aaaand ungh! I can't pull back. Yup. I was stuck. Now, I'm not talking about just touching the tip of my tongue, no, this was the flat of my tongue nice and stuck. I panic a little but try to figure a way out of this. Unable to come up with one, I am forced to call over to my brother for help. My brother, who is in 3rd grade at the time, has never been the cool headed one in the crisis. He kind of inherited that from my father. But in this instance, Bobby was all I had. And he was willing to help, He tried tugging me, pulling on my arms, nothing. Still stuck. Does he run inside and tell my mom? Seek assistance from the closest adult? No. Bobby's got this. He paces off about ten big steps, gets a running start and shoulder blocks me in the chest with enough force to tear me free from my icy prison...and I mean tear. I mean, I left the top layer of skin on my tongue stuck to that damn laundry pole. I watch as my brother's triumphant grin turns to terror as he realizes I am just GUSHING blood from my tongue. I'm not gonna lie and tell you it didn't hurt, but I have to say, I was much happier I wasn't stuck to the pole anymore. I go running inside, leaving a trail of blood, running into the kitchen, past my mom who was making a big turkey dinner with all the fixings, glasses all fogged up, tongue hanging out of my mouth like a panting puppy, dripping a trail of blood into the bathroom.
A few lessons to take away from this story.
1. You will get stuck to a metal pole if you stick your tongue to it. It isn't just stuff in movies or comics.
2. The human mouth is one of the fastest healing parts of the body. I could actually watch new taste buds pop up in the mirror.
3. Not everything I do is that well planned. I knew going in that there was a potential to get stuck, but I didn't really think it through enough to figure how to get un-stuck
4. Brothers are there for you. Yes, they may rat you out...constantly. They might kinda panic in a crisis. But they definitely love you enough to shoulder block you and leave half your tongue on a pole.
Thanks Bob.
Friday, February 25, 2011
You are the weakest link. Good-Bye!
A few months ago, I was hanging out at my sister's house with her and her 7 yr old daughter and we were talking about Christmas shopping and the subject of shopping for her husband Toby came up. Whilst my sister and I were conferring in hushed tones and code language, Isabella, the 7 year old niece/daughter, was harassing us and asking "Mom, Mom, why don't you tell me what you are getting Dad. I wouldn't tell him. I swear!" At which point, my sister and I looked over at each other and then I looked at her and said "I'm sorry, Bella, but we can't tell you." which of course prompted the "Why not?" and I had to look at her and tell her "Because you are the weak link."
The concept of a weak link was obviously completely foreign to her and she asked me what I meant and it dawned on me, that as an only child, she had never experienced a weak link rat-out. Obviously, any misbehavior that resulted in obvious evidence had always been, and rightfully so, blamed and assigned to her. My sister and I I, having grown up in a family with 4 children, 3 of who were only separated by 3 years, were very well-versed in the cagey wiles of parents. If you wanted to keep a secret, you needed a completely united front, and if you wanted to find out this secret, you really needed to discover the weak link and isolate them. Once you did so, the weak link would crack, and spill the beans. And Isabella, my darling nice, in the triangle of your father, your mother, and you...you are the weakest link. Good-bye.
She fought against this designation but then realized it and understood this and she looked and me and my sister, and said "Mommy, Uncle Bernie, who was the weakest link in YOUR family?" Without hesitation, without blinking, both of answered, "Uncle Bobby." There wasn't a moment of hesitation. Later on, my brother Michael got home and completely unprompted, she asked him "Uncle Mikey, Mommy and Uncle Bernie say that in every family, there is a weak link. Who was the weak link in yours?" Once more, Uncle Bobby ended up being thrown under the bus so fast, it really was surprising that he doesn't sport a Centro tattoo.
Now, anyone that grew up knowing my family, this really isn't a shock. Everyone knows that Bobby is the weak link, and this isn't a knock on Bobby, it just really shows a lack of learning on his part and well-applied pressure on my parents' part. When questioning a group of children, a united front being presented by them isn't that surprising when you question them as a whole. Solidarity! It's an us-against-them mentality. The smart move is taking them one on one. Once broken down and taken one on one, now it's a matter of a committing to the story and sticking with it. No matter what. Because it was one on one, there's no way of knowing what is being asked or how it is being asked, but I always knew that they were going to ask my sister first, then ask me, and then ask Bobby. I have always been on the ilk, where once I have committed to something, I am all-in. I will stick to my story up and down, and it doesn't matter what you are telling me you have already heard. I am sticking to my story. Unfortunately, my brother's weakness, is he would fall for the promises of leniency. The being told, "You know, your brother and sister have already come clean, they have already confessed. By you not confessing, you are only making it harder on yourself and you will be be punished more severely." Like the eggs shown in the mattress commercial about to have a weight dropped on it with only a thin feather layer above it, he was destined to crack.
That door would open, and the tear stained face of Bobby would come out, looking to us for some sense that he had done the right thing. Kristen and I would see the triumphant face of the interrogating parent, and we knew that we were sunk, and that hope for camaraderie that my brother was seeking would be dashed. Harshly. Michael, the youngest of the brood, only needed to learn this lesson once. Only once did he rat us out. He had the game explained to him, and never again was he the weak link. Some people have it. It's a matter of having the faith that you were not going to be let down by anyone else on the team, and the strength to be willing to deal with the punishment that would undoubtedly be made tougher in the event the truth eventually found the light of day.
There is one in every group. Family, friends, co-workers. A chain is only as strong as the weakest link. The question I have for you, dear reader, Is it you?
The concept of a weak link was obviously completely foreign to her and she asked me what I meant and it dawned on me, that as an only child, she had never experienced a weak link rat-out. Obviously, any misbehavior that resulted in obvious evidence had always been, and rightfully so, blamed and assigned to her. My sister and I I, having grown up in a family with 4 children, 3 of who were only separated by 3 years, were very well-versed in the cagey wiles of parents. If you wanted to keep a secret, you needed a completely united front, and if you wanted to find out this secret, you really needed to discover the weak link and isolate them. Once you did so, the weak link would crack, and spill the beans. And Isabella, my darling nice, in the triangle of your father, your mother, and you...you are the weakest link. Good-bye.
She fought against this designation but then realized it and understood this and she looked and me and my sister, and said "Mommy, Uncle Bernie, who was the weakest link in YOUR family?" Without hesitation, without blinking, both of answered, "Uncle Bobby." There wasn't a moment of hesitation. Later on, my brother Michael got home and completely unprompted, she asked him "Uncle Mikey, Mommy and Uncle Bernie say that in every family, there is a weak link. Who was the weak link in yours?" Once more, Uncle Bobby ended up being thrown under the bus so fast, it really was surprising that he doesn't sport a Centro tattoo.
Now, anyone that grew up knowing my family, this really isn't a shock. Everyone knows that Bobby is the weak link, and this isn't a knock on Bobby, it just really shows a lack of learning on his part and well-applied pressure on my parents' part. When questioning a group of children, a united front being presented by them isn't that surprising when you question them as a whole. Solidarity! It's an us-against-them mentality. The smart move is taking them one on one. Once broken down and taken one on one, now it's a matter of a committing to the story and sticking with it. No matter what. Because it was one on one, there's no way of knowing what is being asked or how it is being asked, but I always knew that they were going to ask my sister first, then ask me, and then ask Bobby. I have always been on the ilk, where once I have committed to something, I am all-in. I will stick to my story up and down, and it doesn't matter what you are telling me you have already heard. I am sticking to my story. Unfortunately, my brother's weakness, is he would fall for the promises of leniency. The being told, "You know, your brother and sister have already come clean, they have already confessed. By you not confessing, you are only making it harder on yourself and you will be be punished more severely." Like the eggs shown in the mattress commercial about to have a weight dropped on it with only a thin feather layer above it, he was destined to crack.
That door would open, and the tear stained face of Bobby would come out, looking to us for some sense that he had done the right thing. Kristen and I would see the triumphant face of the interrogating parent, and we knew that we were sunk, and that hope for camaraderie that my brother was seeking would be dashed. Harshly. Michael, the youngest of the brood, only needed to learn this lesson once. Only once did he rat us out. He had the game explained to him, and never again was he the weak link. Some people have it. It's a matter of having the faith that you were not going to be let down by anyone else on the team, and the strength to be willing to deal with the punishment that would undoubtedly be made tougher in the event the truth eventually found the light of day.
There is one in every group. Family, friends, co-workers. A chain is only as strong as the weakest link. The question I have for you, dear reader, Is it you?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Ignorance is bliss. Or at least the default settings of most sports fans.
Those of you that know me probably know that I am a sports fan. Those of you that know me better would say that I would consider "sports fan" an insult. Not because I am one of those crazy, obsessive fans that paints his face and chest, or that will argue how my favorite team is "awesome" or how whoever their rival is "sucks". No, I would consider it an insult because I have been around sports fans as long as I could walk and have seen and heard firsthand the ridiculous things that are said. It isn't the fact that these "fans" are making the arguments that bothers me, but it is the fact that they clearly have no understanding about what they are professing their undying love for. By nature, I am a problem solver. In order to be a problem solver, I have to establish an understanding of how things work. Once I have that knowledge, I can then form an opinion as to what the next step is. After all, knowledge is power.
However, this does not always make you popular. How many of YOU were told by their mother that they were no longer allowed to sit near her when watching their younger brother's basketball games, because the comments made about the other players on the floor, no matter how accurate, weren't the most popular with the other parents. On more than one occasion, an upset parent would ask me what I was saying and why I was insulting their poor kid and what qualified me to do so. At that point, I would have to explain what the coach was doing, why they were attempting to do what they were doing, and why it wasn't working. Explaining that not everybody is equal in their physical gifts or their understanding of the game. Most parents came away understanding that I wasn't putting their son down, just that his skill set was the one that is most appropriate for that situation. I would explain that I had coached one year of JV CYO basketball and in that one year, I had a 24-5 record and won the league regular season and playoff championships. Sometimes the guy telling you he knows more than you, is only doing so because it is true.
But back to my original point, most sports fans are reactionary and ,unfortunately, stupid. They know as much as they want to know and that's it. In Syracuse, a few years back, the local university football team had been stumbling according to the standards that had been set for the program. Everyone was blaming the head coach. "Coach P must go!" they said...and then they got what they wanted. Well, Coach P did just fine, he's been consistently employed, usually in the NFL, and just this season took a job as the head coach of the UCONN Huskies, a Syracuse rival. SU? Went into a free fall that they are just coming out of. A deeper look at this situation would have seen that the problems that Syracuse were going through were initially caused by their own success. Donovan McNabb's senior season prevented a would be freshman Mike Vick from signing there because he wanted to start for 4 years. Traditional recruiting hotbeds of New Jersey and Florida were drying up due to the emergence of local schools like Rutgers and South Florida upping the ante on recruiting their own local kids. Star players attract other star players. No McNabb, no Vick, less talent coming in, other teams getting stronger all combined to weaken the Syracuse team. But what was the FAN calling for? Fire the coach. I remember driving home from work after P was fired thinking this was a bad day for SU and once more I turned out to be right.
OK, so I DON'T know for certain that Syracuse wouldn't have continued sliding down the rabbit hole towards what at the time was mediocrity before almost hitting rock bottom with the same coach, but I do know 4 years later that people were looking back and talking about the good old days with Coach P at the helm. All I could think of was the lyrics to "Big Yellow Taxi"
The problem with being a wiseass know-it-all, ends up being that you have to admit that other people are right. And you have to do it a lot. It doesn't mean necessarily that you are wrong, but you can agree with them, and then actually give depth to their argument besides "They suck." And it's OK, because sports are cyclical. What goes around, for the most part, will eventually come back around. And when it does, you can just sit there next to your once proud fan and put your arm around him and hum a little tune or sing a little lyric.
"Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you got til it's gone."
However, this does not always make you popular. How many of YOU were told by their mother that they were no longer allowed to sit near her when watching their younger brother's basketball games, because the comments made about the other players on the floor, no matter how accurate, weren't the most popular with the other parents. On more than one occasion, an upset parent would ask me what I was saying and why I was insulting their poor kid and what qualified me to do so. At that point, I would have to explain what the coach was doing, why they were attempting to do what they were doing, and why it wasn't working. Explaining that not everybody is equal in their physical gifts or their understanding of the game. Most parents came away understanding that I wasn't putting their son down, just that his skill set was the one that is most appropriate for that situation. I would explain that I had coached one year of JV CYO basketball and in that one year, I had a 24-5 record and won the league regular season and playoff championships. Sometimes the guy telling you he knows more than you, is only doing so because it is true.
But back to my original point, most sports fans are reactionary and ,unfortunately, stupid. They know as much as they want to know and that's it. In Syracuse, a few years back, the local university football team had been stumbling according to the standards that had been set for the program. Everyone was blaming the head coach. "Coach P must go!" they said...and then they got what they wanted. Well, Coach P did just fine, he's been consistently employed, usually in the NFL, and just this season took a job as the head coach of the UCONN Huskies, a Syracuse rival. SU? Went into a free fall that they are just coming out of. A deeper look at this situation would have seen that the problems that Syracuse were going through were initially caused by their own success. Donovan McNabb's senior season prevented a would be freshman Mike Vick from signing there because he wanted to start for 4 years. Traditional recruiting hotbeds of New Jersey and Florida were drying up due to the emergence of local schools like Rutgers and South Florida upping the ante on recruiting their own local kids. Star players attract other star players. No McNabb, no Vick, less talent coming in, other teams getting stronger all combined to weaken the Syracuse team. But what was the FAN calling for? Fire the coach. I remember driving home from work after P was fired thinking this was a bad day for SU and once more I turned out to be right.
OK, so I DON'T know for certain that Syracuse wouldn't have continued sliding down the rabbit hole towards what at the time was mediocrity before almost hitting rock bottom with the same coach, but I do know 4 years later that people were looking back and talking about the good old days with Coach P at the helm. All I could think of was the lyrics to "Big Yellow Taxi"
The problem with being a wiseass know-it-all, ends up being that you have to admit that other people are right. And you have to do it a lot. It doesn't mean necessarily that you are wrong, but you can agree with them, and then actually give depth to their argument besides "They suck." And it's OK, because sports are cyclical. What goes around, for the most part, will eventually come back around. And when it does, you can just sit there next to your once proud fan and put your arm around him and hum a little tune or sing a little lyric.
"Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you got til it's gone."
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Quick update
I was wondering if I would receive any comments and I jus realized I had to enable that. So, the floor is yours. Now open for comments and ridicule and questions.
Analysis by Dr. Nielsen
So, after getting off the phones and some light commiserating with colleagues, I left work and ran a few quick errands. Some much needed supplies an a shamrock shake later (call them a weakness), I find myself more than ready for my normal Monday night ritual of settling down with my DVR for what I consider quality programming. The Syracuse game is available on the radio and my phone keeps my updates with stats, so I had complete faith in being able to watch what I wanted.
On Monday nights, I DVR Chuck, House, and Castle, and in all actuality probably my top 3 favorite shows. More than likely because I can see myself as a combination of all 3 title characters, minus the cool job and smoking hot girlfriend of Chuck, the respected position and paycheck of House, and the money and smoking hot partner of Castle. 2 parts egocentric, 1 part self-doubting. It makes me wonder if everyone picks their television by looking for mirrors to their own nature and soul. And if so, WTF is your life like if GTL is an intrinsic part of it. Now, I don't like to think of myself as judgmental...HEY! I said I don't like to THINK of myself as judgmental, not that I am not, but very seldom do I form an opinion without watching anything or doing any research, but I am damn proud to say that I have never seen a single episode of Jersey Shore, nor any episodes of any of the season's of American Idol. Reality TV has always been kind of a mystery to me. I never understood watching people who are NOT actors ACTING to different contrived situations (not The Situation)
But if I really am nothing more than a combination of the characters on my DVR, when can I act more like Sterling Archer?
On Monday nights, I DVR Chuck, House, and Castle, and in all actuality probably my top 3 favorite shows. More than likely because I can see myself as a combination of all 3 title characters, minus the cool job and smoking hot girlfriend of Chuck, the respected position and paycheck of House, and the money and smoking hot partner of Castle. 2 parts egocentric, 1 part self-doubting. It makes me wonder if everyone picks their television by looking for mirrors to their own nature and soul. And if so, WTF is your life like if GTL is an intrinsic part of it. Now, I don't like to think of myself as judgmental...HEY! I said I don't like to THINK of myself as judgmental, not that I am not, but very seldom do I form an opinion without watching anything or doing any research, but I am damn proud to say that I have never seen a single episode of Jersey Shore, nor any episodes of any of the season's of American Idol. Reality TV has always been kind of a mystery to me. I never understood watching people who are NOT actors ACTING to different contrived situations (not The Situation)
But if I really am nothing more than a combination of the characters on my DVR, when can I act more like Sterling Archer?
Sunday, February 20, 2011
A lost art.
As I was laying awake last night, praying for sleep, a strange thought popped into my head. I believe that it is harder than ever to make friends. And then I started thinking about how most friendships are formed. When most of us first made friends, it was through some form of forced interaction. Think about it. When you first went to school, you weren't there by choice, you were forced to go. Those that made friends through sports, another activity where you didn't get to PICK who you were with, the people you made friends with, the people you went to battle with, you were forced to be with those people. As you got older, once more, forced interaction, but a little more freedom. The vast majority that went off to some sort of secondary education made friends at school, but once more, those friendships were formed through some sort of bonding experience through forced interaction of sorts. I mean, you didn't HAVE to walk through the halls and introduce yourself to people, but once more you didn't pick who you were surrounded by. The people you met in class, you made friends through shared experiences because you were all forced to be in that one room together. It is a bond-creating environment, these are the most conducive environments for friendships to be formed, going through similar experiences and trials and tribulations gives everyone an opportunity to create a lasting friendship.
Unfortunately, you have to grow up.
When you grow up, your forced interactions become extremely limited. Pretty much, there is your work environment and that's it. You are no longer forced to interact with a large number of people. That's part of being an adult. You get to make your own choices. However, this can be limiting. In this day and age, by the time you are an adult, you have been inundated with all the negative stories about people to the point where every stranger could possibly be a nice guy that you may get along well with, but he could also be the one who wants to invite you over, roofie you and wear your skin as pajamas. It's a fine line. How do you go about making new friends in this environment? First off, it's intimidating making that first move. How do you approach people? One on one? Or would you feel comfortable approaching a group of people? Where would you look to find new friends or expand your social circle? I mean, you can always kind of "glom" on to friends of friends and try to expand your social circle that way, but that has it's own set of problems. For one, you don't want to be seen as that quasi-creepy loser that just attaches themselves to people in a group before really getting to know someone. I mean, you can also just randomly friend request other people's friends on facebook, but once more, that kid of throws you in the socially awkward quasi-stalker status. Now, they say you can make friends with people with common interests, but how? How do you strike up that conversation without them thinking you are strange?
Sometimes forced interaction does have it's bonuses. Maybe you should just ask if someone already has their own pajamas?
Unfortunately, you have to grow up.
When you grow up, your forced interactions become extremely limited. Pretty much, there is your work environment and that's it. You are no longer forced to interact with a large number of people. That's part of being an adult. You get to make your own choices. However, this can be limiting. In this day and age, by the time you are an adult, you have been inundated with all the negative stories about people to the point where every stranger could possibly be a nice guy that you may get along well with, but he could also be the one who wants to invite you over, roofie you and wear your skin as pajamas. It's a fine line. How do you go about making new friends in this environment? First off, it's intimidating making that first move. How do you approach people? One on one? Or would you feel comfortable approaching a group of people? Where would you look to find new friends or expand your social circle? I mean, you can always kind of "glom" on to friends of friends and try to expand your social circle that way, but that has it's own set of problems. For one, you don't want to be seen as that quasi-creepy loser that just attaches themselves to people in a group before really getting to know someone. I mean, you can also just randomly friend request other people's friends on facebook, but once more, that kid of throws you in the socially awkward quasi-stalker status. Now, they say you can make friends with people with common interests, but how? How do you strike up that conversation without them thinking you are strange?
Sometimes forced interaction does have it's bonuses. Maybe you should just ask if someone already has their own pajamas?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The things I think about...
You ever just stop and think? When you were a child growing up, you would have fantastic adventures and never leave the room. Amazing adventures happening in your head with your imagination, and just looking at something and wondering how it works and then finding a way to improve it. Remember that?
Unfortunately, the vast majority of the population doesn't "think" anymore. Wait, don't walk away, this isn't a rant about the stupidity of the general population. No, what I mean is that as we grow older, we acquire responsibilities and obligations. Things that require our attention devoted to them and focus. So we rarely get a chance to just "stop and think." It's sad, some of the most amazing ideas came from someone just stopping and thinking about things for a while. But then again...sometimes they are just odd little thoughts.
...I like the word "blateration."
...Never take your pancreas for granted.
...Am I the only one that when someone says "You're right", my first thought is "I know"
...Is it bad that I actually voice that thought?
...Out of town friends that passive-aggressively post of facebook about how gorgeous the weather is where they live, look, the weather you are having is nothing to brag about. You moved to a more temperate climate. In fact, it isn't even news, it's SUPPOSED to be that weather. You post these messages strictly to elicit a response and then claim that you were rubbing it in. I call shenanigans.
...People that comment jealously regarding the weather in places other than where you live. Shut up. You don't like it? Move.
...I like to say the word "dickthistle"
...Can we all just agree that the flat brim of the hat look was a mistake, and should just go away now?
...I really think this idea has merit. Everyone knows what a RedBox video rental machine is. What about one that sells porn called "PinkBox"? Get it? hehe. Think about it, credit card rental verifies the over 18 requirement for porn, and put them in bars and strip clubs. If they don't return the dvd, you already have their credit card info. I'm telling you...gold mine.
These are some of the thoughts that I have. You are now stuck with them.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of the population doesn't "think" anymore. Wait, don't walk away, this isn't a rant about the stupidity of the general population. No, what I mean is that as we grow older, we acquire responsibilities and obligations. Things that require our attention devoted to them and focus. So we rarely get a chance to just "stop and think." It's sad, some of the most amazing ideas came from someone just stopping and thinking about things for a while. But then again...sometimes they are just odd little thoughts.
...I like the word "blateration."
...Never take your pancreas for granted.
...Am I the only one that when someone says "You're right", my first thought is "I know"
...Is it bad that I actually voice that thought?
...Out of town friends that passive-aggressively post of facebook about how gorgeous the weather is where they live, look, the weather you are having is nothing to brag about. You moved to a more temperate climate. In fact, it isn't even news, it's SUPPOSED to be that weather. You post these messages strictly to elicit a response and then claim that you were rubbing it in. I call shenanigans.
...People that comment jealously regarding the weather in places other than where you live. Shut up. You don't like it? Move.
...I like to say the word "dickthistle"
...Can we all just agree that the flat brim of the hat look was a mistake, and should just go away now?
...I really think this idea has merit. Everyone knows what a RedBox video rental machine is. What about one that sells porn called "PinkBox"? Get it? hehe. Think about it, credit card rental verifies the over 18 requirement for porn, and put them in bars and strip clubs. If they don't return the dvd, you already have their credit card info. I'm telling you...gold mine.
These are some of the thoughts that I have. You are now stuck with them.
Friday, February 18, 2011
The NFL Labor agreement and other thoughts.
For those that aren't particularly sports fans, you may not be aware of the fact that there may not BE an NFL season this year. Basically, this is boiling down to an argument between Billionaires (owners) and millionaires (players). Average Joe hates it when his everyday life is interrupted by the arguments of the ultra-rich. The big news today is that 3 weeks before the deadline is that the 2 groups, the NFL owners and the NFLPA (players union) have agreed to non-binding mediation. This really means ultimately, nothing. Because they are so far apart on the issues, they can't even be in the same room. In 2006, the owners signed a deal that they felt was unfair, ceding too much money to the players and they feel that they want more. The player's union, much like anyone else, feel that once you give someone something, it is VERY difficult to take that away from them. As a whole, in most disputes of this nature, I find myself siding with the players. Now, I have little in common with the average NFL player, I am not a genetic freak, I do not have the natural born skill that these players possess, and therefore, I do not sign multi-million dollar contracts for my services. However, I find I have more in common with the players, than I do with the billionaires that sign their checks. There are lots of complex issues that the two parties do need to work out, but the NFL is held up as the Gold standard by other professional sports leagues and believe that they can weather any fallout from a delay to the start of the season. But when the Average Joes want to turn on their TV's and watch their games, or make their family trips to the games, or even plunk down a sizable chunk of cash for their season tickets, is it unreasonable to expect a full slate of games? As a whole...get your $#!* together. I have a fantasy football draft to study for. Hey, NFL, NFLPA, what about me???
Once more into the breach...
I really do think that the blog is aptly named. Anyone that knows me will completely agree with the assessment that I give myself. Now, addressing the title of the post, I used to have a webpage way way back in the late 90's where I used to make snarky comments, talk about things that interested me, give movie, book, and music reviews, and blather on about my daily life. As I have been almost my whole life, I was ahead of my time. At the time, it was just a way for me to express the strange thoughts that popped into my head and pretty much vent about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But if you asked me if I ever thought that anyone could make a living doing such things, I would have laughed and said "why would anyone read what I have to say?" It was just a personal webpage, a log of my thoughts, a LOG kept on the WEB, hrmmm...a weblog? Yes. A blog. And the lesson as always is, I'm an idiot. Bloggers have become some of the most trusted experts on almost any topic out there by a popular culture that craves instant analysis and feedback. Anyone that knows me would be happy to tell you that I would be more than happy to give you my opinions on things and expound at length about them. I missed my calling. I should have stuck with my blog and I would be typing this to you now on the fanciest toys and sitting in my posh house, paid for by the blog. But instead, you get to read this not-completely cynical compilation of the random and at least interesting to me thoughts that pop in my head whenever I feel the need to share them with the world.
posts,
Basically, I have found myself needing an outlet. A place to voice what I feel and think and sometimes, even put forth a creative effort. I can't guarantee what you will find in my posts. You may laugh, you may cry, you might just think I am an arrogant ass. But please, give it a shot. Just because I created this for me doesn't mean that I don't care about you, the Reader. But unfortunately, this will be a lot like television. Interesting, occasionally informative, sometimes boring, but a an easy waste of time.
I have to get up and go to work tomorrow, I really do have a lot to say, but I am going to cut my rambling short for now.
Koglan's Law: Everything ends badly. Otherwise, it wouldn't end.
posts,
Basically, I have found myself needing an outlet. A place to voice what I feel and think and sometimes, even put forth a creative effort. I can't guarantee what you will find in my posts. You may laugh, you may cry, you might just think I am an arrogant ass. But please, give it a shot. Just because I created this for me doesn't mean that I don't care about you, the Reader. But unfortunately, this will be a lot like television. Interesting, occasionally informative, sometimes boring, but a an easy waste of time.
I have to get up and go to work tomorrow, I really do have a lot to say, but I am going to cut my rambling short for now.
Koglan's Law: Everything ends badly. Otherwise, it wouldn't end.
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